7 Tools to Connect with Your Inner Child

Have you heard the "buzz" about people working with their inner child to heal past trauma? When I search for "inner child work" on Google under news, several articles come up.

• Women’s Health published “Inner child work can help you heal past emotional wounds and find happiness in the present” - April 2024

• Time Magazine published “Why is Everyone Working on Their Inner Child” - April 2023

• Verywell Mind published “Reparenting in Therapy” - November 2023

  
  

You can find results for inner child work on social media. For instance, the hashtag #innerchildhealing currently has 844,739 posts on Instagram and continues to grow!

The point is, inner child work is becoming increasingly popular. What you might not know is that the concept isn't new but has existed for over a century. The idea of the inner child comes from psychoanalytic theory, highlighting the lasting impact of childhood experiences on adult behavior and emotions. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychologist, is credited with coining the term inner child work.

I underwent extensive inner child work at the Vitalist School of Psychospiritual Transformation, studying, practicing, and learning about it. Here’s a culmination of what I learned in my studies, my own work, and working with others to identify and process our inner children.

Deep within each of us lies a version of ourselves from our formative years, holding the joys, pains, and innocence of youth. Engaging in inner child work is, requires patience, gentleness, and a willingness to uncover buried emotions. The inner child represents our early impressions, beliefs, and emotions, often shaped by family dynamics, societal influences, and personal experiences. These unresolved emotions and conflicts can appear in adulthood as self-limiting beliefs, emotional triggers, and behavioral patterns. This therapeutic process aims to reconnect us with this part of ourselves, heal past wounds, and nurture our mental health and wellness.

If you're ready to embark on this transformative journey, you're in the right place! In this blog, we'll explore practical tools and insights to help you get the most out of your inner child work. My hope is that this summary of the therapeutic process assists you in reconnecting with your younger self, fostering healing from past experiences, and enhancing your emotional well-being.

Tool #1 BE COMPASSIONATE

Engaging in inner child work not only promotes personal growth but also enhances empathy and compassion towards others. As individuals become more attuned to their own emotions and experiences, they develop a deeper understanding of the inner worlds of those around them. This heightened emotional intelligence fosters more meaningful connections and cultivates a culture of empathy and understanding for yourself and others.

This is truly my #1 recommendation when doing this work! When you engage with a younger version of yourself, you are essentially re-parenting that part of you. Often, when we've been wounded in the past, our younger self was violated, harmed, or shamed. It's safe to say none of those offer a sense of compassion. When we are given compassion, we feel that our voice and needs are cared for with concern. That enables us to feel safe. The younger part of us still needs that and longs for it. When we approach this work by showing compassion for the little one we are tending to, we can heal that past trauma.

It is also crucial to note that compassion is not solely for a past self, but for the person you are today and in those moments of work. It can be difficult returning to places we may have pushed away. We may have times we want to judge ourselves in the process and ridicule ourselves with inner thoughts that come up. Both the parent in you caring for your younger self and the child of you deserve your compassion.

Ways to incorporate compassion with your younger self:

• Speak and approach with kindness

• Listen carefully and without judgment

• Encourage them by reminding them it's okay to share

• Offer to help if they want it

• Ask them what they need

• Accept them as the age they are

• Forgive them if they need to hear they are forgiven

• Express gratitude and appreciation for them sharing

• Be patient at all times

Central to inner child work is the willingness to embrace vulnerability. It involves creating a safe space within oneself to explore and express emotions authentically. By acknowledging and validating the inner child's feelings—whether they're fear, anger, or sadness—one can initiate the healing process. This compassionate self-dialogue fosters self-acceptance and cultivates a deeper sense of inner peace.

Tool #2 BE CURIOUS

What I have observed with younger parts is that being curious enhances the work you can accomplish. It allows your mind to see new perspectives and truly begin to see beyond what our surface-level brain tends to respond with first. It allows questions to be asked and explored to grasp hidden feelings and emotions you might not know are there.

For example, say your inner child says they were scared. “What does that tell you about your younger self?” You might say that it tells you she/he/they were angry, and when you were yelled at, it made you feel scared. But what if then you looked beyond that and asked, “Why would you feel angry that they would yell at you?” “What did you want to do when you were yelled at?” Maybe it brought up that you didn't like feeling you were not heard, or perhaps it made you want to hide. And then get more and more curious about the why’s or the what’s. It will help you get to the core of those emotions.

Another way to conceptualize this is to consider you're speaking with a friend who's telling you about a situation they were in. You might seek understanding by asking more and more questions; you may feel curious as to why this was important to them. It is like speaking with a friend trying to get to the full intent, motivation, or feelings about something that occurred.

Tool #3 PUSH ASIDE JUDGMENT

You will be working with your inner child; your younger self. Who you were at 5 years old is not the same person you are now. Who you are now has changed, evolved, and grown up. Kids react differently than adults do. This is not a time to think what your inner child self said was immature, silly, or stupid. It's useful to remind yourself that your younger self sees/saw things differently and will feel or say things your adult self may feel you should not say or feel. Let your younger self be heard and work to accept whatever they say, no matter if it feels true in your present life. If it's there, it is felt in you and is still part of you regardless if you would ever speak those words now. It's also important to note that we all react as children do at times... and again... that's okay; embrace it, accept it, and heal it.

Tool #4 OBSERVE

When doing inner child work, observe them as you would any child in the room. Personifying them can be a useful way to gain insight. You can visualize or feel them. For example, try to feel and see the age of your inner child. Do they feel or look like they are 2 or maybe 9? Try envisioning them; what they might be wearing; what their face might look like. Pay attention to their feelings and facial expressions. What are they doing? Are there others with them? What is around them? Are they in a certain room or other familiar place? They may not be real in real-time, but their past is part of you. The more you can allow your mind to look and see, the more real they are, and the more you can learn about what they need and see what may have added to the emotions that come up. It can also add valuable clues about what was going on that influenced that moment in time.

Tool #5 ENGAGE WITH YOUR INNER CHILD

A pivotal aspect of inner child work involves re-parenting oneself. Just as a nurturing caregiver tends to a child's needs with love and compassion, inner child work can allow you to learn to provide yourself with the care and validation you may have lacked in your formative years. This comes in engaging with your younger self in a way that allows for openness and gentle care.

I spoke about being curious and asking your younger child questions. The more you can engage with them, the more you can learn. At times, your younger self might not want to engage. Are they ignoring you? If so, why? Remember, the more real they are, the more you observe, the more you can gain insight into the feelings that need to be addressed.

Try approaching your younger self with care and caution. What do they need to engage with you? Tenderness? A hug? No touch? Just to play for a while? The “magic” comes in the engagement – when they begin to share and are open with you. Look to see if they engage and then seem to pull away. What happened when their mood shifted? What were you asking when they began ignoring you or running away?

Tool #6 BE PATIENT

Embarking on inner child work involves reconnecting with and nurturing the younger self within. This journey begins with introspection, acknowledging the existence of unresolved wounds and suppressed emotions. The process is not always pleasant and can be quite painful! So please, please be patient with yourself as you take on this type of therapy. Perhaps you are able to engage, but then you want to stop for the day. That's fine!!!!! It's okay to go as far as you want to or do not want to. Small steps each day, each week, or each month are all rewarding. You have to go at your pace and what you can handle. So be kind to you – be kind to your inner child – and be patient with yourself.

Another reason I say to be patient is that I have had times I could not make a solid connection with my inner child. And that's okay as well. Again, it takes time. It can also mean there are other feelings, emotions, or even a block in dissociation making the process more difficult. Remember, you are seeking to resolve and re-parent past hurts. Hurt – well, it hurts. It is not fun! So, be patient.

Also – Inner children can be quiet, angry, uncooperative... all of which tells a story. It is not always as simple as sitting down to do this and expecting the session will end in a complete healing journey. It can take days or weeks of returning and returning. Each time though, you get closer as you learn about what they need. It is more like slow, patient parenting until the breakthrough happens. Each piece is part of the healing as you are able to address more and more about a past hurt. That does not mean you are doing something wrong; just means it may take a new approach or more time.

Tool

There are times it can be quite useful for a trained therapist/worker to help the process of engaging with a younger part. Inner child work can have “blocks” that seem impossible to move past. There are varying reasons for this. There are multiple parts that can come into the work. For the sake of this blog, I will only briefly touch on those. For example, there can be protector parts that want to take care of your inner child that do not want you to be close to them, as they tell that part they are not safe to speak their truth and that you are untrustworthy. That's one example. A therapist/worker can also help the conversation with your child and help you stay focused on questions to be curious about. Especially when just starting out, I would highly suggest working with someone else who is trained before doing this on your own.

END NOTES

In a world often characterized by hustle and external validation, inner child work serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of self-discovery and healing. By acknowledging and embracing the younger self within, individuals embark on a transformative journey of self-compassion, healing, and personal growth. Through nurturing the inner child with love and acceptance, individuals reclaim their authentic selves and cultivate a deeper sense of wholeness and well-being. So, let us embark on this journey of self-discovery, for within the depths of our inner child lies the key to unlocking our truest potential.

As you continue your inner child work, you will likely undergo a significant shift in perspective. You will begin to see how your past experiences are interconnected with your current behaviors and attitudes. By consciously integrating this part of yourself, the inner child transforms from a wounded aspect in need of healing into a powerful ally. This integration brings a sense of wholeness and authenticity—based on my own journey and conversations with others who have completed this work. Ultimately, the inner children become empowered, and in turn, you feel empowered through the healing you’ve achieved!

I’m truly excited for you and the inner children you’re about to heal!